Monday, February 15, 2010

Incomplete



























remember the day that I began this mural on my daughter's wall. I can still feel the warmth and wetness of the paint covering my hands. It was imbedded in my finger nails in the same manner that the vision of unfolding possibilities filled and overflowed my heart; I was excited that I was being invited to  participate in the actualization of a dream. Growing up my father and I had always lived in an apartment, which was never a bad thing really, but I was always aware that whenever I tried to make the place seem more like mine, what I was really doing was just putting holes into other people's walls. 


This was the first house that I would ever consider my own. It was the first place that I would live where there would be both a father and a mother raising their children; it was a chance to do things
differently than I had seen them done in my own childhood.

 


God gave us seven years in this house and now that we are in the final days with it (yes, we moved out in June, but for many months I could not get myself to go back to gather the loose ends) I have been thinking about what the hardest part of saying 'good-bye' to it has been.  

Was it the actual move?

The entirely new relationship we were taking on with the bank; failure at holding up our end of the deal?

Was it that the house was so perfect for us that I could not stand to let it go?

The truth is it was none of these things.


When we moved into that home we had a two year-old and a baby due in weeks- It was perfect for who we were then. Before we moved out though it was very apparent that we were too big for our britches. Five kids and (at one time) a mother-in-law (and her five cats!) living with us made that clear. You would have thought that we would have rejoiced at the chance to find a better fit, right?                                                      
If it wasn't any of those things then, what was the most difficult part?





The answer to the question is hidden within these pictures, and in the numerous other hopes we held for our home and lives that never came to be.

We were left incomplete. 

Like the mural on this wall we surrounded ourselves with enough things until our flaws were camouflaged to the first glances of those who did not know what to look for. We settled for the 'just getting-by' of daily life and forgot about the true excitement that overflows from God's vision for our family. 
Sometime along the way we forgot that as Christians we are called to participate in the actualization of a dream. But not just our dream; the kingdom vision.

Abundant life.

The hardest part of all this has been seeing how 
we failed.

Miserably, we failed.

And now God has graciously taken away all
the things that were not bearing fruit; things that we once thought essential.

My husband's job.
A home of our own.
Predictability.   

The belief that we were self-sufficient.

 'Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.'
Hebrews 12:1-2

He has done these things because WE are His masterpieces and He always
always completes what He has started.




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