Were you aware that 'getting settled in' is indeed synonymous for 'I have fallen off the face of the earth'?
I looked it up.
My last post was published on April 29th and somewhere around May 26th I had the urge to write but instead thought to myself, 'heck, I might as well just wait three days and make this an even thirty…'
Not that I have a huge following, but I am pretty sure that this would fit the bill for 'how not to grow your blog'. Self-sabotaging, anyone?
Somewhat unbelievably, I actually have tickets to go to the Allume blogging conference in October with my friend Alia. If I keep with this trend though, I envision having to introduce myself with the disclaimer 'Oh, me? I don't actually write...I just really needed a vacation.'
I am not sure that is such a good thing, even if it is true on both counts.
I want to write, I really do.
I have always written in the same way that I sing in the shower or doodle over anything doodle-able; I don't always realize that I am doing it, I just sometimes feel compelled. On occasion I may have an accidental audience, but having an audience is not my intent.
Blogging is different though.
Even if the number of people who read what I write is limited to my husband, my friend Alia, and one of my husband's neighborhood friends from back in grade school (Hi, Steve!), the fact is, I want them here. I am inviting people to come and that is risky.
It requires an investment of time as well as transparency; sometimes those two things paralyze me.
So, I have been asking myself the big 'WHY?'
Why give your spare minutes to write when your days are already so full that you are tempted crawl into bed before even the nine and the eleven year-old?
Why put your mess out there for people to see? If consistency is so important, then how can you still encourage on the days or months that you want to crawl into the fetal postion and hide from a life that is beautiful but just.so.hard sometimes?
And wouldn't you know it, the answer to these questions for me comes back to this:
There is value in just showing up.
We show up as we are because we trust that our messes and our failures are pieces of our stories and not the final word. We trust that God has gone before us, will be faithful to meet us there, is creating something beautiful out of it all.
Over the next few months, I am going to give my intentions more consideration and I am looking to set some goals so that I do a little less flirting with near-extinction. I do not have the clearest of visions yet, but I want to enter this space and see what becomes of it.
I hope that you will feel to bring your pieces and join me here.